I learned more about love in those few months than I leaned on my entire life. Not the kind of love you have for your family, your friends, the people you look up to. The kind of love that makes you go “Oh, I kind of want to spend my whole life with you”. I also learned the hard way what “heart pain” is. Most of the days were fine, even great I would say, it was good to feel everything, it was good to feel a love I never felt before, it was good to have someone. But truth is Continue reading “Choosing love.”
Her hair was up in a ponytail
Her favourite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy’s Day at school,
And she couldn’t wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
That she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn’t there today.
But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school,
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called,
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
For a man who wasn’t there.
“Where’s her daddy at?”
She heard a boy call out.
“She probably doesn’t have one,”
Another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
“Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day.”
The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.
“My Daddy couldn’t be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him,
I’m not standing here alone.
“Cause my daddy’s always with me,
Even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
He’ll forever be in my heart”
With that, her little hand reached up,
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love
Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.
“I love my daddy very much,
He’s my shining star.
And if he could, he’d be here,
But heaven’s just too far.
You see he was a fireman
And died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
And taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
It’s like he never went away.”
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.
And to her mother’s amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.
“I know you’re with me Daddy,”
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
By the love of her shining bright star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far.
Because you’re a different person.
Because you don’t feel the same way anymore.
Because we’re growing apart more every day.
Because I’m scared to tell you how I feel.
Because I think you’re only staying since it’d be easier than leaving because you tell me you love me but i don’t feel the same want and warmth now.
Because I cried and begged and poured my heart out– left everything out on the table and you ignored all of it so easily.
Because I think i’m being crazy and insecure and imagining things, but am I? Continue reading “Lost & Insecure.”
Is it selfish to say I want you the whole fucking time? I want you in my head. I want you in my bed. I want your hands all over my thighs Continue reading “Selfish.”
Someone to eat with
Someone to drink with
Someone to dance with
Someone to drive with
Someone to dream with
Someone to travel with
Someone to cook with
Someone to sleep with
Someone to make love to
Someone to live with
Someone to do life with
That someone I want to be with everyday
That same someone I will love over and over again
My forever someone
My someone for ever.
To the one that I lost,
Tonight I watched a meteor shower with a boy. He was a very nice boy- more than nice, he was charming and funny and kind, and we ran barefoot under the stars to dance to our favourite song at the party, and he lent me his blue velvet jacket and pulled me up onto the wall to sit with him. And we watched the shooting stars, and he held my hand and turned his head, and we kissed. And it was a very nice kiss. And that’s why I hated you right at that moment. Continue reading “To the one I lost.”
You don’t see how wide his smile when he gets to finally meets you. You don’t see how often he prays to God that he would be able to see you today. You don’t see how lonely he gets when he plays with his toys in your empty house. You don’t see how disappointed he gets when you don’t attend the school play where he fought for the part of the prince because he wanted to impress you. You don’t see how hard he’s trying to stay positive despite your absence. You don’t see him crying as he convinces himself that you still love him.
You don’t see how that innocent young boy changed into something so broken. You’ll never know the boy who used to be someone full of hope and love. The boy who had unconditional love for you. Someone who loved you more than life itself.
You’ll never know.